To view the Summary of A Few Good Men, click here.
To view the Abstract of A Few Good Men, click here.
The following implications cover a broad area and a wide variety of audiences. These suggestions serve as a starting point for how these findings may be applied. For recommendations and suggestions specific to certain groups and organizations please contact Vitae Foundation or you may access Vitae Guidebooks which are designed for specific audiences such as pregnancy centers, medical professionals, policymakers, ministers, and priests/deacons.
Guide men in understanding that despite the burden of the pregnancy falling on the woman, it’s their privilege to help shoulder that burden and support her.
Most men believe the burden falls on the woman in the pregnancy and that their input means less or doesn’t matter at all (“not my body, not my choice”). Nonetheless, most men understand that it’s their responsibility to support their pregnant girlfriend/wife and even desire to support her but struggle to reconcile this knowledge with a decision for life. This translates into varied perceptions of their responsibility/duty during the pregnancy. Any messaging that attempts to address this disconnect should take into consideration that most men know they should be responsible, but struggle with what this means (abortion or something else?) Messaging should frame their role in pregnancy as a responsibility and a privilege—that supporting their girlfriend/wife to choose life is the best decision, perhaps even a blessing. Help men see that the emerging life of the preborn baby is part of this privilege and give them the resources and education to feel confident in supporting their wife/girlfriend in carrying to term.
Help men realize how an unexpected pregnancy can be the launch-pad to self-actualization.
An unexpected pregnancy presents a pivotal moment for men to consider their relationship status, their desire for children and their readiness/ability to have a baby. Messaging to men should understand these emotional dynamics and seek to present fatherhood as something that will lead to greater self-actualization. “Responsibility” is a surprising and common idea embraced and used by respondents. Help men see how having a baby offers this unexpected opportunity for responsibility and is a pathway to: “a more responsible and fulfilled self,” “a heart full of love for others,” “a more confident version of the self,” “a better partner/boyfriend/husband,” “maturity,” “manhood,” “being the man who God calls me to be,” “the man he is supposed to be,” “the man his girlfriend/spouse wants him to be,” “the man his ‘future’ child needs him to be.”
Men need to see how the process of becoming something is worth overcoming the emotional/material obstacles that would prevent them from choosing life. The fact that men often see the unexpected pregnancy as an opportunity to prepare, grow up and become more responsible opens the door to a powerful possible messaging strategy: perhaps not a direct challenge to men to “man up” (we see much more use and support of the idea of “stepping up” rather than “manning up”) but a more subtle approach to identifying the unexpected pregnancy as the way to become “more.” Men are open to this as we see them demonstrating a natural inclination to face the consequences of their decision to engage in sexual activity. We can encourage a move toward the life-affirming decisions which many men already favor.
Portray the unexpected pregnancy situation in a realistic manner to point toward the reality of feelings of shock and fear but also of excitement and happiness.
It is important to avoid the messaging pitfall that many men and women could see an “idealized” family dynamic and say, “That’s not my situation; I don’t want to be with this person; my unexpected pregnancy situation looks nothing like that; I have to abort or abortion must be protected because many people facing unexpected pregnancies don’t have a supportive partner and shouldn’t be together.” Messaging should convey that the situation might not be “ideal,” “perfect,” or the time might not be “right,” but having a child can still be a new, surprising, and even positive outcome.
Understand man’s self-perceived readiness, identify gaps, address concerns, show support–empower men to believe they are capable of having and supporting a child.
Men experience a wide variety of emotions upon hearing about an unexpected pregnancy, whether it be shock, sadness, anxiety or joy. Those emotions may be coming from several places such as perceived readiness to have a baby, doubts about his relationship, financial stress, and opportunity cost concerns. Ask questions about his specific anxieties over having the baby and walk him through what it would look like to confidently address these concerns. Identify potential gaps in his knowledge about fatherhood and the support systems potentially available.
Reprogram men’s responses from “I’ll support you, whatever you choose” to other, truly supportive statements such as:
- “I don’t know what this looks like but I will help you be the best mother you can be, and I will be the best father I can be.”
- “I’m not going to force you to do anything, but I want you to know, I’m very okay with having the baby and being in his/her life.”
- “I will help, provide, love (you and/or our child).”
- “I am putting your wellbeing and our child’s wellbeing before my own (“I’m giving up [name the dream/goal/bad habit]”…whatever the impediment she sees in him helping her).
- “I am responsible” (describing how and demonstrating it in practical ways).
- “I believe our child has a right to life.”
- “If you don’t want to parent, I will raise our child alone.”
- “We have a good support system (family).”
We have an uphill battle to reprogram men’s authentic pro-life responses.
The good news is that most men do truly desire to support their wife/girlfriend when told of an unexpected pregnancy. The difficulty is that so many believe “I’ll support you, whatever you choose” to be the best response; they really do think it is supportive. Interestingly, many are surprised to learn that most women don’t like to hear this (and presumably are interested to know what they “should” say). Significantly, they nearly all agree that the ideal is for the man and woman to have a conversation and to make the decision together. This is something that can bring men and women together and would be a (nearly) universally welcomed message.
Frame fatherhood as meaningful and fulfilling.
Discussion on fatherhood should emphasize how being a father offers meaning and purpose. Messaging should demonstrate the joy and beauty of fatherhood. It should also highlight how the absence of good fathers affects children and contributes to trauma, hardship, and difficulty. Any message on fatherhood should not adopt a rosy, whitewashed view of what fatherhood entails. Discussions on fatherhood should frame the hardships of fatherhood in light of how these difficulties are ultimately rewarding, good, and purposeful. Communicate messages that allow men facing unexpected pregnancies to see themselves as fathers, even in the face of potential suffering and struggle.
Programs for men should be held in person–emphasize presence.
Men’s programs, whether it be individual mentorship programs or group sessions, should ideally be held in person. Men frequently described how face-to-face interactions felt more genuine than experiences with people online, which makes sense: most men highly valued emotional and physical presence, especially in male relationships. Being present communicates care, authentic concern, a sense of closeness and stability. If a men’s program hopes to instill these same values in how men approach their relationships with their partners, it should reflect these values in how the program operates.
Male mentors should reflect attributes/virtues of the ideal male role model.
Men’s programs/classes should be led by men who reflect the ideal masculine model. Men look up to other men who are present with those they care about (physically and emotionally), who are responsible (toward family, duties), who support others, and who have strong character (trustworthy, respected, moral, discerning, skilled). Pregnancy centers or churches who sponsor men’s programs should consider finding men who exhibit these characteristics. Their integrity will carry weight when talking and giving counsel on topics such as responsibility, readiness, relationship health and faith. Mentors/leaders who have gone through an unexpected pregnancy themselves can also be effective in reaching other men who are facing similar circumstances. Depicting the ideal masculine role model must not include a “macho,” traditional tough guy image but rather a confident, compassionate, father or father-figure present and involved in a young boy or girl’s life.
As evident throughout this study, absent fatherhood (and corresponding wounds of anger, loneliness, loss, missing out) are rampant in our society.
The numbers back this up, showing that 17.6 million children, nearly 1 in 4, live without a biological, step, or adoptive father in the home. Men who grew up without a father are often committed to making sure they do not follow their fathers’ examples. Thus, messages portraying abortion as the abandonment of a child before birth could resonate with this tragically large group of men. Help men connect with the idea that his child is already in existence and for him to agree to abortion would be similar to what his dad did to him, in abandoning him when he needed him most. This requires churches, pregnancy centers and community groups to offer resources that will support men before, during, and after an unexpected pregnancy so he is strong enough to handle this message. Men with no father figures or role models need a mentorship or masculine figure present in their life that is able and willing to invest in this relationship. The above groups can help connect young men with such figures who can guide, teach and relate to them.
Identify and secure resources that empower men to feel confident addressing an unexpected pregnancy, whether that be mentorship programs, financial resources, temporary housing, parenting classes or education on female reproduction.
Perceived readiness is a significant factor in male decision-making on abortion–if he feels equipped to handle an unexpected pregnancy situation, he is more likely to want to be involved and support the woman.
We know that men feel there is a duty to provide for and protect his family and that men genuinely want to provide support to their girlfriends/wives when facing an unexpected pregnancy.
This study demonstrates that some men do talk about the regret/potential regret of abortion and abortion as something you never forget. Could a man in this situation be challenged to protect his wife/girlfriend from abortion’s negative impact on her “future self” (and that of his own “future self”)?
Relationship health is vital: identify core issues that make conversations about the pregnancy situation difficult and help young people navigate these issues easily.
The Pro-Life Movement needs to invest in helping young people build healthy (high-trust) and long-lasting relationships. Relationship dynamics highly influence a woman’s decision to keep the baby or have an abortion. The Pro-Life Movement needs to develop and share resources on how to have healthy, high-trust relationships and why they matter. Doing so may help prevent unexpected pregnancy situations, but it will also help couples navigating an unexpected pregnancy better communicate with each other about what they should do. Messaging on healthy relationships should help men clearly communicate their preference for life (i.e. help them have a say in the decision).
The abortion debate can be framed more positively by the Pro-Life Movement through depictions of positive relationships with great communication between men/women.
These demonstrations should illustrate authentic support, engaged listening, truthfully sharing fears, hopes, dreams and desires for the future. Since “it takes two” to have a baby, men and women are at their best when they share in making this decision together. Unhealthy relationship dynamics are a large reason why many men either 1) don’t know how to support their pregnant girlfriend/wife 2) don’t want to support her 3) don’t feel ready for the responsibility of having a baby 4) feel unable to have a conversation about the pregnancy/feel like they have no say 5) and in some cases, desire to have an abortion. Pregnancy centers should be aware of and identity relationship dynamics that act as barriers to choosing life, such as low trust in character, non-committal attitudes, and poor communication. Pregnancy centers and churches that offer pregnancy classes should also include material on relationships, considering how instrumental they can be in effecting a decision for or against life.
Appeal to the greatness of men.
Warren Buffet advised Bono (U2), when he was promoting AIDS awareness/funding in the U.S. in the 1980s and 90s: “Don’t appeal to the conscience of America…appeal to the greatness of America.” Then, the phenomenon and immense popularity of “Make America Great Again” occurred. Can we appeal to the greatness of men? Examples: Unselfishness/great love in accepting responsibility in an unexpected pregnancy; protecting his girlfriend/wife from harms of abortion/defending the vulnerable (Mt. 25); understanding and embracing the difference between a dad and a man who gets a woman pregnant; the honor, dignity, and goodness of a man who provides for and protects his family, etc.
Men’s positive responses toward adoption can also be utilized in messaging strategies.
This is an interesting change from the negative responses toward adoption women have provided in past studies (at least when pitted against the other two alternatives [carrying to term/parenting and abortion] when faced with the trauma of an unexpected pregnancy).
Integrate these messages and desired behavior changes consistently throughout the culture and over time.
There is a proclivity toward love, responsibility and purpose, that a young man feels (but weighs against opposing feelings of fear, burden and lack of readiness) when dealing with news of his girlfriend’s pregnancy. The proclivity toward the positive responses is likely to be greatly strengthened if he has heard about them and received support for them for years from his family, coaches, teachers, community and even social media influencers before the pregnancy.