To view the Abstract of A Few Good Men, click here.
To view the Implications of A Few Good Men, click here.
Overview:
- Study title: “A Few Good Men: Increasing the Masculine Presence”
- July-August, 2025
- 50 interviews of men (age 18-45) were conducted in Dallas, Denver, Orlando, Phoenix and St. Louis
- Participants met criteria to be classified as “moderate middle” in their attitudes toward abortion.
- Variety in age, race, marital status, living situation (alone/with roommate, with partner, with parents), parental status (number of children), and religious affiliation (or none).
- 3 segments:
- Twenty (20) Men who had faced an unexpected pregnancy and told their girlfriend/wife: “I’ll support you, whatever you choose,”
- Sixteen (16) Men who had faced an unexpected pregnancy and took a stronger position: “I want you to have an abortion” or “I want you to have the child,”
- Fourteen (14) Men who had not previously faced an unexpected pregnancy/abortion.
Study:
Background
Vitae’s first Emotional Research study focused entirely on men explores the emotional dynamics of men’s experiences with unexpected pregnancy and abortion. This study also reveals the emotional responses of men to characteristics and roles such as masculinity, fatherhood, and provider/protector. To elicit deep, emotional responses, participants were provided visualizations (opportunities to go into their minds’ eye to relive experiences tied to these critical issues). These visualizations and the resulting interview data help answer the following core questions:
- What inspires/helps men to provide authentic life-affirming support to their wife/girlfriend when faced with an unexpected pregnancy? What is it about his background, upbringing, experience that inspires him to speak up when facing an unexpected pregnancy?
- Why do men say: “I’ll support you either way” when facing an unexpected pregnancy? Why do men not speak up to protect their preborn children during an unexpected pregnancy?
- How do men respond to the idea of “providing and protecting for their family”? Does it include preborn children in the womb? Does it include procuring an abortion as a way to protect the woman? Do men feel like they can protect the baby and the mother?
- What qualities represent the ideal masculine role model, especially related to being a provider and protector of his family?
- What is the man’s perception of his influence on the woman’s decision when facing an unexpected pregnancy/abortion decision?
- How do men respond to not having a “say” when it comes to an abortion/life decision? How do they respond to “my body, my choice”?
- What is the dialogue like between men and women facing an unexpected pregnancy? How does communication affect the decision about “next steps”?
Objectives
- To help men regain a voice for life
- To educate men about how to provide strong, compassionate, life-affirming support to the women in their lives
- To encourage men to protect their children, born and preborn
- To inspire men to take on the role of father, provider and protector when faced with an unexpected pregnancy
- To promote a culture that values the complementarity of men and women/masculinity and femininity
- To improve relationship health between men and women, prior to facing an unexpected pregnancy
- To aid pregnancy centers, churches, pro-life nonprofits, and abortion healing ministries to more effectively reach out to men facing unexpected pregnancy or affected by abortion
Findings
Abortion: A Woman’s Decision
Men consider abortion to be primarily a woman’s decision. They feel it not their “right” to make the final decision but, at the same time, believe they should have some “say.” Most men believe the decision in an unexpected pregnancy should be up to the woman because it is her body, she is the one carrying the baby and she has to go through the difficulties of pregnancy (support for “my body, my choice”). They see abortion as a decision where they have minimal say and certainly not final say. They feel this way despite being involved in how they arrived at the situation (“it takes two to create a baby”). What men want, ideally, is to have the opportunity to help make the decision/have a conversation together.
“I’ll Support You, Whatever You Choose”
“I’ll support you, whatever you choose” is a response to an unexpected pregnancy that is understood in a wide variety of ways by men. Most men desire to support their pregnant wife/girlfriend when she shares the news of an unexpected pregnancy, but their responses vary in what exactly it looks like to be supportive. Many men believe that the best response to the pregnancy news is “I will support you whatever you choose.” They perceive this as the most supportive thing to say, even if they sometimes recognize that the burden of the decision-making then falls on the woman. Other reasons men give for saying “I will support you whatever you choose” include a desire to avoid conflict, a desire to be nonaggressive, and in some cases, a desire to have an abortion. Some men disagree with this approach, believing it places an unfair burden on the woman. They feel that communicating their preference for or against choosing life is either a more honest way of approaching the conversation, a more effective way of convincing the woman toward their preference, and/or a better way of supporting the woman in the decision-making process.
Reactions to an Unexpected Pregnancy
Finding out about an unexpected pregnancy results in three major responses: fear, shock and/or excitement/happiness, but also spurs a vital conversation between the man and woman and provides the opportunity for the man to prepare, grow up and become more responsible. These strong emotions are tied to the reality of what the pregnancy means for the men, specifically. This self-focus mirrors what we’ve seen with regard to the women in past studies. News of the pregnancy immediately confronts the man with a variety of questions related to their relationship with the woman, their desire to have a baby, or their readiness/ability to have a baby. Oftentimes this leads to an inner dialogue about preparing (especially financially) and becoming more responsible. For some, this means getting an abortion. For others, it means preparing for the responsibilities of being a father—”growing up.” Most men, however, acknowledge that pregnancy presents new obligations that require a response.
The Humanity of the Preborn Child
The preborn child is seen as being a life but perceptions vary as to what this means. Some men view the preborn child as a life that should not be haphazardly discarded and exhibit sadness, regret, and anger at the reality of abortion. On the other hand, men acknowledge the creation of life once they see the positive pregnancy test. Often they believe it is ok to end this human life prior to when his or her heart begins to beat (although they do not specify at what gestational age this happens as they are woefully uninformed about the specifics of fetal development). Thus, men often see the preborn child as a “potential” life than a real one. Their view of the pregnancy fluctuates between perceiving the preborn as a burden or a blessing. Men who consider the unexpected pregnancy a “mistake” or feel incapable of being a father are more likely to view the baby as a burden. Men who welcome the emerging obligations of fatherhood, on the other hand, see the baby as a blessing. Many fall in-between these two poles. Men are split between those who believe that the preborn child does have rights and is a factor in this serious decision and those who believe the opposite.
Readiness
Most men talk about their (or their wife/girlfriend’s) lack of readiness when finding out about an unexpected pregnancy. Reasons men give for not being ready to have a baby: financial insecurity, life stage (school, career), young age, immaturity, selfishness, or inability to provide a good environment for the child. Due to these reasons, some men do advocate for an abortion or are willing to accept a potential abortion. Others, after the initial shock and fear of unexpected pregnancy abates, willingly accept fatherhood. And still others, who may have indicated a higher level of readiness at the outset even embrace fatherhood.
Relationship Health
The relationship between the man and woman affects their decision toward abortion. Relationship health is an important factor in the involvement with and the desire to carry through with the pregnancy. Men perceived that the most ideal scenario is for he and the woman to have a conversation about the pregnancy. Trust is significant-men who are not committed/have low trust in their girlfriend/partner, or who are in a short-term relationship, feel less strongly about keeping the baby and more strongly consider abortion. They do not see a future with their partner and perceive a potential child as an extension of a commitment they do not want to make. In contrast, men who felt strongly about their girlfriend/wife (“I love her”) felt more strongly about keeping the baby. Some men talk about the abortion decision harming the relationship or that the relationship ended soon after/due to the abortion. Additionally, men talk about how important communication is in the relationship, especially as it relates to discussing an unexpected pregnancy.
The Risk of a Sexual Relationship
Men talk about the reality that the unexpected pregnancy (and therefore the possibility of fatherhood or abortion) is the risk they took when engaging in a sexual relationship with a woman. This theme is quite different from what we’ve learned in past studies about how women view unexpected pregnancy and abortion. Women often experience shame when facing an unexpected pregnancy and seek abortion to hide/“fix” what they consider to be the biggest mistake: the unexpected pregnancy (not the sexual relationship). Men, on the other hand, point to the fact that it was their decision to engage in sexual activity (especially if it involved “unprotected” sex) that was the mistake. The unexpected pregnancy (and resulting fatherhood or abortion) is simply the natural result. They say things like: “Decisions have consequences.”
Responses for Life
Men use a variety of responses when they want their pregnant wife/girlfriend/partner to choose life for their child. While there is not a single common approach, what matters is that they offered an approach to begin with. This reflects a belief they can influence the woman’s decision. If a woman tells a man (or he suspects) that she wants an abortion (and he wants the child), he says one or more of the following to convince her to carry to term: “I will help, provide, love (you and/or our child),” “It is important to put the child’s wellbeing before you and me” (especially himself, as a man/father), “I am responsible” (describing how and demonstrating it in practical ways), “Our child has a right to life,” “If you don’t want him/her, I will raise the child alone,” “We have a good support system (family).”
Negative Reactions to Abortion
There are significant problems and negative outcomes related to abortion. Many men say that abortion leads to regret, grieving and sadness. They remark that “it is something you live with for the rest of your life.” “It has a negative effect on others, especially the father.” “Abortion is equivalent to killing, death and/or a disregard for life.” “It is immoral, cruel.” “It represents sacrifice, ritual or an agenda.” “When abortion is chosen the child never gets a chance.”
While not all men in the study frame abortion in such a negative light, very few talk about any positives. However, some men, while not speaking positively about abortion, speak about the circumstances when abortion should be legal or necessary, especially to protect the rights of women to make decisions affecting their bodies.
The Impact of Fatherhood
Men perceive fatherhood as a meaningful experience/role. Their experiences of father figures influence how they perceive their own roles as fathers. Men perceive fatherhood as an experience/role that offers meaning to life. Men with children express a variety of emotions related to fatherhood including pride, joy, happiness, a sense of purpose, and a sense of duty. Even men who had participated in abortions desire to have kids (just at a different time), and like others in the study, say they want to be good fathers someday. Most men feel like children need a father figure.
Men with involved fathers had positive things to say about their impact and role. In contrast, men with no father in their life or who had an absent father had negative feelings about the lack of a father figure. Fathers are seen as providers/protectors for their children, supportive and loving of their wife/girlfriend, and men who can teach and model positive behavior and pass on knowledge.
Men often relate their role as a father to their experience with or lack thereof of their own father. Men with absent fathers or no father figure at all express a desire to parent their children opposite to the model they were given. These men communicate a desire to be present/involved in the lives of their children, or to eschew lifestyle choices that made their father a bad parent. These men, however, express little to no understanding about how to be a good parent. Men with good fathers, by contrast, express a desire to be like their father and positively improve on their example.
To Provide and Protect
There is a duty and responsibility for the man to provide for and protect his family. Men feel that providing/protecting for their family is an inherent duty and responsibility and that most men desire to fulfill these roles. They perceive the provider/protector role as one that minimally offers basic needs and safety. Men emphasize the impact of being present in the role of a provider/protector. Being present includes not just being involved but also being emotionally available and communicative. Many men shared stories of provider/protectors who were admired for their ability to provide materially but failed at being emotionally present.
Men were divided on whether being a provider/protect is a gender role. Some felt like providing/protecting is intuitive to men in particular, others did not, often having experiences with women who filled the provider/protector role. Many men talk about how complementarity between men and women is important; mothers and fathers can both provide and protect but do it in different ways. They indicate that it is important to have both a mother and a father involved in family life.
Respondents were split on whether providing and protecting involves protecting the lives of preborn children. Men perceived failed provider/protectors with emotions such as sadness, disappointment, frustration, disgust and anger. Good providers/protectors were perceived with joy, admiration, respect, and trust. Being provided for offers a sense of safety and comfort. They perceive a provider as someone who works hard (often two jobs) and has a big responsibility/weight.
The Ideal Male Role Model
Men see the ideal male role model as someone who is present, responsible, and of good character. Men gave a diversity of responses as to what is the ideal masculine role model, but the most common responses overwhelming shape him as someone who is present (physically and emotionally), responsible (toward family, duties) and of good character (trustworthy, respected, moral, discerning, guided by faith in God). Many also see the ideal male role model as someone who offers safety, teaches life skills, and supports others. Men negatively mentioned many stereotypes about masculinity, the most prominent including men who are macho or physically strong and men who are emotionally closed off and distant.