Women experience a variety of emotions after abortion but sadness and guilt are the deepest and most widespread. Other important emotions are loneliness, grief, disappointment, worry over possible judgment from others, and efforts to try to forget the abortion (the 3 rape victims experienced these emotions in similar ways/levels).
Compartmentalization, one of the four defense mechanisms that are traditionally seen in Emotional Research studies related to abortion, stood out as being especially prominent in this study. Women rarely speak about their abortion(s). They use phrases such as: didn’t/don’t/can’t talk to anyone about it, never mentioned it, kept it to myself, you don’t tell people, nobody knows, don’t share, kept it secret, compartmentalize it, hide it, bury it, bottle it up, box it up, lock it away, put up walls, push aside, stuff it down, keep it in, push it out, block it out, shut it out.
Issues between the expectant mother and her mother and father frequently contribute to an abortion decision in the following ways: to avoid family shame or to avoid disappointing parents, parents’ poor example, direct force/coercion from one or both parents, parents suggesting/encouraging abortion. Unfortunately, when looking back at the abortion decisions they made when teenagers or young adults, women often admit they might have had practical support from their parents or others (childcare, financial support) but still chose abortion out of fear of their parents’ shame, anger, or disappointment.
The reasons women give for choosing abortion, or situations in which they say it is acceptable, include: a poor relationship with the father/no real relationship with him or his bad/irresponsible behavior, bad timing/she’s not ready/she’s too young, a negative financial situation, needing to prioritize children already born or future planned children (to be born at the “right” time), rape/abuse, health problems (mainly her own but also of the baby), a lack of support, the child is unwanted by at least one parent, or the loss of the future self. Many of these are tied to a common emotional response from women that in certain situations choosing abortion is actually a help or service to the preborn child, saving them from the unfortunate or dire situations described above. Alternatively, the reasons women give for choosing life, or situations in which they say it is the best alternative include: plenty of support (mainly from her family but could also be from her partner’s (the father’s) family), for the sake of the baby (life is a gift or to avoid causing him/her pain), after the baby is a certain gestational age, and the support from and/or a good relationship with the father.
After the abortion, women often think about their decision, in a number of ways: they made the best decision available at the time, they question the decision they made at the time, they can’t change the decision they made at the time so they try not to dwell on the decision. Women are equally divided between those who believe the decision itself was traumatic or led to later trauma and those who do not believe this to be the case.
Women often visualize the possible life they would have had with the aborted child and many others mention simply missing him or her. They describe the feeling of something being taken away from them or a profound sense of loss. Some women seem to have an innate sense of whether the child was a boy or girl.
For those not planning to become pregnant, fear is by far the most common emotional response upon seeing a positive pregnancy test. This fear is due to the unexpected nature of the pregnancy and the presence of the difficulties and obstacles listed above in the section related to reasons women give for choosing abortion. Additionally, shame of the unexpected pregnancy sets in soon after fear. Both emotions cause most underage girls to hide the pregnancy from their parents. Both emotions also heighten the sense of urgency a woman feels towards choosing abortion when faced with an unexpected pregnancy. She uses phrases such as: get it over with, just want to be done, hurry up, act quickly, running out of time, or as soon as possible.
Women often talk about the idea that abortion is a woman’s choice. Even women who have had abortions often don’t want to give advice to a woman facing an unexpected pregnancy because they believe it is her own decision and they seek to avoid being blamed later for influencing a decision, either way.
Women acknowledge that the preborn child is a human being. They even use the word “killing” when describing abortion. They know that choosing abortion ends a human life but the aforementioned “reasons women give for choosing abortion” often override this knowledge. Most women acknowledge an inward focus on themselves when making the decision and some even admit that it is a selfish solution to the problem of unexpected pregnancy. Some place their focus on the child, using the defense mechanism of justification to argue abortion is chosen because it is in the best interest of the child.
Women describe the man’s involvement in a variety of ways. For the most part they state that the man has no say in the decision though they admit that frequently the man (husband, boyfriend, partner) wants her to have the child. Women mention that the man often states he will support her whether she chooses abortion or chooses to carry the child to term. Women have mixed feelings about this type of reaction from the man. Some see it positively, as not standing in her way since the decision is hers alone. Others see it as a way for the man to shirk responsibility and force her to make this weighty decision alone.
Women discuss mostly negative experiences at abortion facilities/Planned Parenthood (their medical treatment, customer service, or physical/mental/emotional treatment) although, for some, part of their negative experience resulted from their view of “protestors” and abortion victim imagery outside the abortion facility.
Most women do not talk about their abortion(s) after the procedure but if they do it is generally with a friend or the father of the aborted child. Again, it is much more common for young women to hide the abortion from their parents than to talk with them about it.
Women who’ve had abortions are looking for (and some have found) forgiveness, first from God, but also from themselves, others, and even the aborted child.
The idea of “regret” reveals two opposite emotional reactions for women in the study. Many women regularly and literally use the word “regret” indicating a negative view of their abortion decisions, along with descriptions such as: would have made a different decision, regrets abortion but felt it had to be done at the time, wouldn’t do it again, wishes she hadn’t done it. Women frequently say things like the abortion is impossible to forget, stays with you forever or still hurts after many years or even decades. However, there are also women who literally say they have “no regrets” or say they have not experienced any sadness over the abortion, or that they would have missed out on future life experiences/opportunities without the abortion.
Another theme which reveals varying emotional responses is that of women’s experiences with counseling or therapy. Many women mention speaking with a counselor or therapist about their abortion(s) and receiving benefit and/or a reduction of guilt and grief. Equally prevalent are the women who say they have never talked to a counselor and would not be interested in doing so. Between these first two groups is a smaller group who say they never talked to a counselor but would be open to doing so. A fourth group are those who say they sought out a counselor for reasons other than abortion. It is important to note, though, that the reasons they say they sought counseling are issues commonly correlated with a previous abortion: drug addiction/alcoholism, depression, anger, relationship issues, divorce, general sadness, bitterness, resentment, sleeping problems, or antidepressant medications. Interestingly, many women recommended that the abortion provider be a place that would first offer counseling resources, included in their post-abortion recovery paperwork. Finally, those who sought out counselors described the following criteria as being most important: whether the counselor was covered by insurance, the proximity of the counselor’s office, and the age/gender/race of the counselor.
Women who have experienced abortion and do not have other kids wonder if they missed or squandered their opportunity to be a mother and many express a desire to conceive and carry a child to term.
Some women do consider the possibility of placing their child for adoption but, as seen in previous studies, this loving option is often seen as the least desirous because of the demands required to carry the child to term, the separation from him/her at birth, and the subsequent worry about his/her wellbeing.
Women often compare the two general types of abortion (chemical and surgical) and generally state they were given an option between the two, especially if the choice occurred within a certain window of gestation, toward the beginning of the pregnancy. Women generally choose chemical abortion due to its supposed ease of use and are equally divided among those who give a neutral description of their chemical abortion experience and those who say it was much worse/traumatic than they were told beforehand. They describe surgical abortion with phrases such as: invasive, cruel, cramping, fast, the machine/vacuum/whatever extracted something from me.
Women who have had abortions, like women in previous Emotional Research studies, tend to judge women who have multiple abortions quite negatively. They hold to the belief that abortion is a woman’s choice but they feel that women who have multiple abortions are not being responsible, especially if they are not practicing some sort of birth control. They feel that having multiple abortions is quite different than having one abortion due to a mistake or particularly difficult circumstances.
The Ideal Abortion Healing Center/Program
Women overwhelmingly identify group counseling as a priority, with the most frequently suggested ideal group size of 4-6, followed by 10-20 and then 2-3. Individual counseling is also recommended but is not mentioned nearly as often as group counseling.
Respondents desire to be in the presence of others (attendees) who have also experienced an abortion. Many say it would be best if the facilitator/support person (not necessarily psychologist/psychiatrist/therapist) had also experienced and healed from an abortion. Some women have previously discussed their abortions to help others heal and/or would be open to doing it at this type of ideal center.
Women consistently mention the following words/ideas when describing their ideal abortion healing center/program (in descending order of prevalence): moving forward, trying to be positive and finding life on the other side of pain, nonjudgmental, comfortable.
Overall, there is a significant desire for some type of religious element. General church involvement is desirable for most, with a significant minority saying that it would not be beneficial. Many say that religious involvement depends upon the individual attendee’s choice. Similarly, many say that a spiritual aspect should be included but not geared toward one religion. There are slightly more respondents who recommend that the Catholic Church, specifically, not be involved than those who do recommend it.
- Activities: Journaling/writing, eating, praying/meditating, art activities, and team building/building relationships with others.
- Names: Healing Heart, Healing Place, A Place of Healing, Strong-Capable-Healed, Healing Women…Finding Wisdom, Finding Peace, At Peace, Safe Space, Safe Circle, Not Alone, Everyone’s Welcome, We’re Here for You, Here to Listen…Women’s Health and Services, Women’s Choices, Women’s Retreat Center, Girl Code…Support Group for Abortion Grief, Hope Without Grief…Deep Breath, Just Breathe…Divine Destiny, Gathering Tree, Truth, Fresh Start, Open Hands, Your Voice…Fortitude, Rebuilding Strength
- Marketing ideas: There could be different groups, like in social media potentially, that have closed groups where you can request to join that not everyone has access to…need to have ads pop up when you type words like “abortion healing” “abortion help” or “healing from an abortion”…list it in areas where women looking for “mental health” or “women’s health” would find it…listed within your insurance app (like UnitedHealthcare). Do a search for therapy and then they give you subcategories underneath it. It’s psychiatrist, psychologist, counseling, family counseling, adolescent. And then it’s broken down. It could be listed under one of those subcategories…a TV commercial with women of all different shape, size, color, everything and the ad would display love and peace…look for a close friend or family member to say they’ve gone there and they recommend it…make a video about what it really is, what’s the mission, the benefits for TikTok, Instagram…gynecology office or other doctors’ offices…billboards…flyers at Churches…flyers in waiting room or “after abortion care”/recovery instructions page/booklet at abortion facilities.
- Physical description: Nature, garden/plants/flowers, water (ocean, waterfall, river/running water), beach, bright, lots of windows, resort/retreat location/atmosphere, music, calming sounds (ocean, nature), homey, not just a facility/institutional.
- Preferred colors: Cheerful, bright, light, pastels, green, yellow, cream/beige, rose pink, blue
Although the following themes are not as prevalent and the data not as robust, there are several important and valid findings of note.
- Women generally don’t speak much about whether it would be good to have men in attendance but those who do say that it would, indeed, be good to include men. A small, but significant, minority say no. Interestingly, the opposite is true when women are asked whether it would be good to have male staff/counselors, as more say no than yes.
- Most respondents do not talk about the possibility or benefit of including “spiritual” counselors/guides but those who do talk about it are overwhelmingly positive toward, and receptive to, the idea.
- As to whether the center should combine all pregnancy loss into one program/approach (abortion, miscarriage, stillbirth), more said yes than no, although, again, few women spoke about this idea.
- In general, women do not want the government to be involved except, possibly, to pay for it.
- Few women discuss the ideal length of time to attend the center for abortion healing but those who do suggest either one full weekend or one full week.
Women offer these additional descriptive words for the goals and/or marketing of their ideal center:
- Removing loneliness, welcoming/inviting, empowering.